Bridled Tongue

I never knew how words could cut at someone's soul, until I married. 

How it Began
I come from a family/people who really take pride in 'winning' every battle. If you don't respond to a negative situation how the world thinks you should respond (with anger, authority, and foolishness) you could be given the title of a pushover or a 'punk'. Being known as a pushover was definitely not the best thing during my school years nor the best at home, growing up, where everyone considered my quietness and thoughtfulness as a weakness.

As I grew older, but before I began to study God's word, I knew I had to change. I thought I needed to be respected and I would demand respect! I didn't want to be hurt anymore, and if i could CAUSE the pain, then i would be on top, right? Little did I know! It didn't take long to notice that a quick retort would stop my enemies right in their tracks! So i began to let them have it! Instead of being soft spoken, i became LOUD. Instead of thinking about others, i became SELFISH. Instead of being respectful to others, i became RESPECTED...or so i thought. Sure, I may have won the battle, but all I did was create wars that I was in no way prepared to fight. 

My Marriage
When I fell in love with this wonderful man God placed in my life, I was happy. We were on Cloud Nine and nothing was going to bring us down. Yeah, well, then life started! Trials began to come and test us, nothing was 'perfect' anymore, and let's be honest...he just started getting on my nerves! What happened, i often asked myself. How did i not see how HE really is before? What is wrong with HIM? HE wasn't the problem. I didn't know that until I began to study The Word and actually live for Christ and not just call myself a Christian.

1 Peter 3:1-6 illustrates the picture of how a wife should be. When I first read this, i thought surely this cannot be true. It goes against everything I took pride in becoming! Subjection to my husband? Chaste conversation? Meek and quiet spirit? Surely this passage is outdated, who does any of this? Maybe the wives who are in happy, successful marriages! And I soon learned the Word of God stands the test of time. It is never outdated and it has every solution to your problems, for nothing is new under the sun. This passage was the key to my marriage.

A Change
I knew to make my marriage work, and indeed I wanted it to work, I needed to change - not HIM. 

I began to pray like I've never prayed before! Now my prayers were not just 'Lord, change my husband.' and 'Lord, help him.', my prayers became 'Lord, change Me!' and 'Lord, use me and Your will be done!'. A lot of the time we don't realize that many of our situations don't change. I was broke yesterday...I'm still broke today. :) But what do change are our hearts. Yesterday, I was broke and unhappy, but today I am broke and rejoicing in the Lord for Him just being who He is! So my outlook on my situation is completely different, and now my soul is merry, I'm enjoyable to be around, and I'm just so much more pleasant.

I learned, through self reflection, that I was the cause of our issues. I wanted my husband to confide in me and I was angry when he didn't. It hit me, that shucks I'm angry when he did! Maybe that's why he didn't confide in me! My words cut and cut and cut. I didn't realize the collateral. I never wanted my husband to feel attacked in his own home, yet that was the environment I created for him. When I got that evil temperament of mine going, it was like opening the floodgates! No wonder he responded to me how he did. I nagged him because I wanted him to change! It's so much easier to place blame on others.

When I began working on me, I didn't need to nag him anymore! He saw in me something that grabbed his attention much more than my negative tones and evil looks. He saw a pure heart that really loves him and is changing for the good. Once I learned to bridle my tongue, marriage didn't seem so bad after all!